Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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