fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
