Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
