you win again, gameday.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
