You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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