Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
