is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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