You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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