your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
smell my finger.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
