I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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