Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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