shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
"it" just moved
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
