After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
