I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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