I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
