I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
