Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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