what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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