Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize