I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
