It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize