dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
