is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
