I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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