Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
