Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
