Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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