Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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