Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
