Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
wow bdsm is so cute
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