what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
