Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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