I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
