Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
