I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
