____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
