So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
