Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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