just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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