Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
