I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
