I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
