I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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