we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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