what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
