I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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