Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
