I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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