you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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