hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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