i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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