physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
