you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are two peas in an std pod
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
