dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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