dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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