Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
