Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
