I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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