we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
