I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
