something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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