defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
