She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
