go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
