It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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