Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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