I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
