Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
