VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
