there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
