im drinking this country out of the recession.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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