try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
