I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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