if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
