Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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