My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
